A little push

Holy cow does time ever fly by when you are working?!  This whole summer, I lost track of what day it was because it didn't matter and I was trying to relax.  Now, I lose track of what day it is because I'm trying to fit so much in to such a small amount of time!  Weird how things change, yet they don't, at the same time.

Anywho, we did some serious yardwork 2 weekends ago.  I mean real serious.  Like, I wanted to puke kind of serious.  But somehow, we managed to plant our grass seed and we are happy to report it's growing!  Woohoo!  We are definitely going to have to seed again, and overseed the yard for a long time, but it will be worth it!

I think I may have overcommitted myself a little too early on.  I'm teaching a full course load (5 classes), I'm on one faculty committee, volunteered myself for two more committees, am helping some with strength and conditioning, and am working when needed as an athletic trainer!  Whoa!  Things are intense.  But good. 

Speaking of teaching, as a part of my curriculum, I have my students make goals, health related, to work towards throughout the semester.  I decided that I would do this for myself.  I have been trying to be a better person, and healthier, but I think I need a little push.  So, let's hope these goals are just that. 

I teach my students to use the SMART goal system, so I am as well.  Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Reward, and Time-defined.

I had decided a couple of months ago that after our last wedding of the summer (this coming weekend), that I would not drink any alcohol for 30 days.  I don't drink too much as it is, but it makes it way more difficult to control my blood sugars when I throw alcohol into the mix, so I'm saying no.  I will start all of my goals the same day as these 30 days begin.  It's kind of an experiment.

This leads me to goal #1.  Gain better control of my blood glucose levels.  My last A1c was a 7.5, which is great for me, but definitely needs to be better.  So my goal is an estimated A1c of 6.5 or less after 30 days.  There are several benefits but the major ones (beyond the obvious) are that I will feel better, and will be able to cut back my sugar intake because I won't be experiencing as many lows.  I have a plan as to how I'm going to do this, so that should help me out!  My reward:  a massage!  I really want a massage, so hopefully this will help me get there!

Goal #2.  Stick to workout plan.  CrossFit Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.  Run Tuesdays and Fridays.  Again 30 days.  I seem to make excuses quite a bit, and I just need to get over myself and do it.  It will make me feel and look better, it will improve my sleep, and give me a better routine.  I will need to manage my time better and prioritize better.  My reward:  buy one new item of clothing!  Woohoo!!

Goal #3.  Get rid of 1/3 of my clothes.  I want to do this in 2 weeks.  I have a serious issue with keeping stuff.  I am not a hoarder or anything too crazy like that, but I have a really hard time getting rid of certain items, clothing being one of them.  However, I doubt I wear even half of what I own, it takes up a TON of space, and causes stress because I don't put my clothes away very often and then it just builds up.  I am having a hard time thinking of a reward for this one (and for the record, I thought of the reward for goal #2 before this goal).  I'm thinking maybe get myself some kind of shoe organizer?  Who knows?!  I will figure something out!

I'm really hoping I can stick to my plans and accomplish this stuff at the end of 30 days, which will be October 5 by the way.  If I can do it, I promise I will take a picture of me doing this:

  I know you want to see that, so I will try my hardest!  Wish me luck!

Stuck in a tornado

So today.  Wow.  Where to begin.

Today started out crappy.  There really isn't a better way to describe it.  Well maybe with a few more vulgar words, but crappy will do for now. 

This is your brain.

I had all these thoughts in my head, and not good ones.  I don't know what exactly was happening, but I was being beaten up mentally, by myself.  I just felt like I was stuck in a twister of ugliness and couldn't find my way out. 

This is your brain on crazy.

Today also marks the day I officially became an advisor.  I previously advised several students, but today it was official.  Why today?  Well today I put on my sweet faculty advisor shirt, showed up to meet my advisees for lunch, told them all sorts of good stuff while they stared at me like I was some crazy woman (they don't actually know yet that I am exactly that), and then tornado #2 struck. 

They got a little more comfortable with me and started asking me all sorts of questions about their schedules, and classes, and telling me problems they had with their schedules and classes.  So I sat them down one by one and we worked our way through them.  Then one kid had a doozey of a problem.  Yep.  I just said doozey. Back to the story.  I made a plan for him and gave him gentle instructions on what to do when he leaves my office, and he came back, and everything had worked out.  Not because of me but that's neither here nor their. 

Things got quiet again.  I finally got to eat lunch at 1:30pm, and I started working on stuff for my classes, and then  BAM!  Another one strikes!  One of my advisees calls me in a panic!  Two of his classes have been cancelled and he doesn't know what to do.  I ask him to come to my office.  We think we figured out his class stuff, and I walked him to someone who could put him in those classes.  He's in.  It's all good.  He's happy.  I'm happy.

Yep.  Crap day turned golden.  This is what I love about my job.  OK, it's one of several things I love about my job.  Helping these "kids" turn into great decision-making grown ups.  That's the theory anyway.  And I had helped several.  And felt good about it. 

This is what a golden day looks like.  Maybe.  Who knows?!

So I finally am sitting in the calm of my office (which actually looks like a tornado might have hit it, by the way.  Cleaning will commence next week.  Maybe.) and come to the conclusion that maybe today doesn't suck so bad after all.  Was I pissed this morning.  Sure was, just ask husband.  Did I just want to crawl into a hole and some sweats and cry all day?  Sure did, just ask sister, I told her all about it.  Did things turn out OK?  Of course, because honestly, things always work out.  And they turned out better than OK. 

Maybe I needed these new people in my life to lift my spirits.  Maybe not.  Either way, it worked.  So now I'm hoping I can hold this golden day out through the rest of the night.  Husband is too, just ask him. 

I'm one of those people who thinks that you need to feel some bad junk in your life in order to appreciate the good parts.  Today, the world did just that for me.  Well maybe it was more my mind than the world, but you get the idea.  And when you look at it, these tornadoes were really not that bad after all.  No permanent damage, no casualties (except for maybe my office, but nothing is new there), and no storm chasers (they are just a bit too crazy for me).

So here is to the weekend people!  Over here, it is going to be filled with fun with the niece and nephew, and A LOT of yard work!  And maybe some relaxing since I start teaching on Monday.  But mostly yard work. 

Here's to yard work!

Neglect

I have been very neglectful of my blog.  That is fairly obvious since my last post was mid-April and it is now mid-August!  Summer just flew by!

As awful as neglect always seems, it was completely necessary.  I have really made an effort in life the past year to try to let certain things go.  I have always had the tendency to hold onto grudges, and I really think it's unhealthy.  So I have been focusing on trying to be a better, balanced individual.  In my attempt to live a more balanced life, I realized something:  Life will never be completely balanced!  And frankly, I have accepted that.

On a random side note, I was doing a google search for images of balance, and I saw these.  I'm in love!

I have always been more of a type A person, needing everything to be as close to perfect as possible, and in doing this I have struggled with quite a few things in life.  Seriously, I cried one time in 9th grade because I thought I was going to get an A- instead of an A; pathetic, I know, and turns out I got the A anyways.  Perfect is unattainable, and I guess when I think about it, I have never found true beauty in perfection.  You don't learn anything from perfection either.  Life really isn't about getting it all right the first time.

So, this is the first day of the rest of my life.  Well, everyday is the first day of the rest of my life, at least that's what my 8th grade math teacher always told us each morning.  But I have decided to change my view on the rest of my life, not the path of my life itself.

I am going to accept my imperfections but still attempt to make them better.  I am going to accept (or at least try to) other peoples imperfections and hold the understanding that I can not change who they are.  I am going to stop worrying about things that are out of my control.  I am always going to get back up and try again with all of my might, no matter the situation.  I will take advice when given (even if unsolicited) because chances are, someone really does know more than me.  I don't know everything, no really, I don't.  And I will appreciate the people, events, and happenings of my life because they will not always be there.

I am pretty excited about this new view I am taking on life.  I think it's really going to make me a happier person.  And again, in the words of my 8th grade math teacher, Now I'm cooking with gas!

Epic Fail

I'm pretty sure this title says it all.  I have failed epically at keeping up with my blog.  Damn!

It's not that I haven't thought about blogging, I just haven't done it.  I won't make up any excuses, I have been avoiding it.  Why you may ask, well if I told you why then I might as well have just blogged about it in the first place!

So here it is.  Well sort of.  There have been some recent happenings in life and I didn't think it was a good idea to blog about it.  I thought I was dealing with it, but today I came to the realization that I was just avoiding it.  More often than not, that is what's happening when someone says they "are dealing with it." 

I read a lot of blogs.  A LOT.  And today I came to the realization that most of the blogs I read, I do so because that is what I wish my life was like.  But honestly, it's not.  I have recently started reading some more blogs, and very different from the ones I have been following for quite some time.

I haven't wanted to blog about being diabetic.  The main reason for this: it has taken over the rest of my life and I just don't want to have it in one more place, but the fact is, my life is diabetes and I can't change that.  I have avoided the disease for too long.  I have not taken very good care of myself for pretty much my whole life.  I started the adventure of gaining control over my diabetes about 2 1/2 years ago, and it has been a battle ever since.  I am fighting the disease.  I have accepted it, but I'm fighting it.  I want to be in control now, I am sick of it being in control of my life. 

I have started working out more.  And now, as of this week, I have started eating paleo.  (That will be a whole other post coming up!)  I have finally done enough research that I have decided I needed to take some action.  If exercise helps the body to respond to insulin better, well then bring it on!  If eating in a low carb manner seems to be helping others fight their type 1 diabetes, then bring that on too!

This is my life.  I need to remember that.  I talk about wanting to be as healthy as possible.  Well guess what?!  I'm in control!  If I want to be as healthy as possible, the only thing stopping that is me! 

So what I blog about is likely to change.  I know, I know.  I just said that not very long ago.  But I really don't think what I was saying changed very much.  I am now willing to talk about my struggle with diabetes.  And food.  And exercise.  And everything else!  I really think I thought I was willing before, but now I truly am. 

Epic fail is a great title for many reasons.  Not only does it describe how I have been on this blog recently, but how I have been health-wise as well.  OK maybe not to epic proportions in terms of health, but I wouldn't say I have been very successful. 

So guess what, diabetes... it sucks!  (another post coming soon!)  But this is me upping the ante.  I just brought this battle to a whole new level!

This is not me, I have a lot more scarring and don't look near as good as this, but you get the idea!

I'm in a valley.

Right now, I am in a funk.  I have been on top of the world for quite a while now, and I'm finally slipping down the mountains into the valley.  Not in a depressing way, I just seem to be not quite on it the past week or two.  I haven't been working out as much.  I have been a little more stressed than usual, but there is no real reason for it.  I feel like things aren't going quite right, but in reality they are still going very well.  I'm not entirely sure what it is.

I have been neglecting my blog and I think I have been doing that so that I don't have to face the reality that I am in a funk right now.  I'm sure soon enough I will climb out of the valley back to the top of the mountain, but right now I just can't quite get a grip.

Things are going well.  I worked a basketball tournament this last weekend.  My first official event as a certified athletic trainer.  For me, it was a little scary at first, but it felt good.  I am also getting to watch our nephew and niece every Sunday from now on; this last Sunday was the first and it was so much fun!  I am so excited to spend more time with those little buggers!  We had an "unofficial" housewarming party this last Saturday, and this next Saturday is the official event!  I am so excited to show off our new home!

I am now helping with the strength and conditioning program of the women's basketball team here at Rocky and so far I am really enjoying it!  I have more recently taken an interest in lifting and conditioning, and this is a great way to get to use that developing passion!  I am planning on taking my Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist exam this next summer so this is a great review for me of all the stuff I have learned in the past!

Remember this post, well it just doesn't seem to be getting any better.  And by it I mean the baby thoughts.  I don't know what it is.  Ever since I started thinking about babies, it seems like there are pregnant women and babies everywhere making it more and more difficult to stop thinking about it!  I've tried asking other people for advice, but so far nothing has really worked.  I am really trying to redirect my thoughts to other things, like passing the CSCS exam this coming summer, and I'm hoping that will keep me occupied enough to not leave any room for those thoughts.  Probably wishful thinking but hey, what else can a girl do?!

So for now, I will live in this funk.  But the most important part is that I'm living and actually living in the now.  That is something I have never been very good at, but right now I feel like I am doing it more than ever.  Maybe after "writing this out loud" I will be able to get a good handle on things and climb up out of this valley!  Or maybe I should just appreciate the view from down here.  I mean seriously, who doesn't like this view?!

Whether or not I'm ready, life is going to keep moving full steam ahead, so here goes nothing!

A new found beauty.

Today, as I sit and write in my office it is a very warm 64 degrees outside.  For early March in Montana, that is warm, but then again weather in Montana is more unpredictable than I could have ever imagined.  As I walked outside to my classroom to teach, I thought of the beauty of a day such as this one:  soon the brown that covered the ground would turn into a luscious green, and the naked trees fully clothed, and the inviting sun finding her way into our day more regularly, and the warm breeze a familiar friend, and the colorless landscape that would soon be filled with the colors of an artist's palette.  The beauty of a day such as this amazes me, but it is not the new found beauty my title for this post speaks of.

As a birthday gift, my wonderful husband gave me a new book.  I have been very excited to read this new book.  I discussed here my love for the Victorian era, and my true fascination lies in books of historical fiction.  This new book is not quite like the ones of my normal reading, but I am truly in love! 

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield was a novel I thought I would find amusing, but not quite like the enthralling story I have found myself enveloped in.  This is the beauty I speak of.

The words on the pages seem to grab my attention in a way that has not happened for quite sometime.  I find myself giggling at the way I have been reading; it reminds me of the way I used to read books when I was a young girl.  When I am reading, nothing else is happening around me.  I am simply surrounded by the story coming at me off of the pages. 

I love reading and always have, something I inherited from my wonderful mother, and I know it is something that I will always enjoy.  For some time, I read on and off for my own enjoyment, but I can not recall a book that grabbed me quite like this one.  This feeling that has returned is my new found beauty. 

It reminds me of a time when I had no cares in the world.  It reminds me of a time when it was encouraged to let my imagination run wildly.  These are not things that happen in the adult world.  These are not thing I have experienced in many, many years.

I am enjoying this feeling, and even more so, this book.  I can't quite put my excitement of this discovery into words, it is something to be experienced. 

I am going through a time in my life where I am struggling with everyday life, and everyday struggles, and what is to come next, and how long do I have to wait.  This is exactly what I needed, this book and the feelings and experiences that come with it.

My husband, without knowing it, could not have given me a better gift.  I have found a new beauty, and have rediscovered a passion.

Today, life is good.

I have a castle!

This princess finally got her castle!  OK it may not exactly be a castle, but compared to the other little place we were living in, it is DEFINITELY a castle! haha!

I have talked about the home we purchased, and how excited I have been, but I don't think I have actually talked about our home in any detail.  So here it is... all the fun details!  Maybe not all of them, but you get the idea.

So we just purchased this lovely home (see photo below!)

It has 3 bedrooms, 1.5 baths, open floor plan, 2 car garage, fireplace, office space, laundry room, and a pretty decent sized yard!  It has been so fun, exciting, and kind of weird.  After my first shower in the new house, I looked at the hubs and said, "It feels like we are house-sitting!"  And it still does feel like that at times.

It is just so amazing that we own this!  As I sit in my new office space and type, I just can't help but look around and say, "Holy crap!"  That is just how I feel right now.  I'm sure that will wear off eventually, but for the time being I am just in shock.

We closed Friday morning, and we were so excited that we showed up to the closing with our car packed full of stuff to bring to the new house right away!  We might be huge geeks, and by might be I mean we definitely are and we love it!

The first thing I did when we got to the new house was run through every room possible (including the garage!), and then ran upstairs to yell down to the hubs just to see if he could hear me!  Yep.  Definitely a geek!

Randy-cat is also loving all the new space!  He was a little unsure at first and wouldn't walk more than an inch or two away from a wall, but now he is running and playing all over the place.

After the big closing on Friday, we went furniture shopping on Saturday.  We had done some furniture shopping in the past couple of months and we had an idea of what we wanted so we thought it was going to be quick and easy... NOT the case at all!  We finally found the table we wanted and decided to get a sofa, love seat, recliner, two end tables, and a coffee table while we were at it!  We got a really good deal on everything, but now we have to wait for 2 weeks until it gets here!

We also found some curtains for our bedroom and the kitchen.  It will be really fun to decorate and get everything put together.

We are painting this next weekend so we will finally be able to really get everything done in our room!

The whole process has been quite the adventure, and this has definitely been the light at the end of the tunnel! I put some pictures on here for your viewing pleasure!  I'm off to do some more geeky stuff in my new home, like watch my husband cook dinner!  Woohoo!

It was one of "those" moments.

Have you ever had one of "those" days or one of "those" weeks where nothing seems to be going right and you are just frustrated and almost nothing makes you feel good.  I have been having quite a few of those recently, but today, I had a different kind of moment.  It was amazing!

The hubs and I are getting to close on our new house this week (as far as we know) which is 1 week early!  Woohoo!  So because of this we have been doing quite a bit of packing but it just hasn't seemed real yet.  As I sat on the couch this morning watching an old season of Desperate Housewives drinking my coffee, I looked around the living room at all of our boxes and it just seemed real!  I had that feeling of excitement where I know we are moving and we are taking a HUGE step in our lives.  

Then I started thinking.  Believe me, or just ask the hubs, when I start thinking it usually leads to some crying, frustration, maybe an argument and a number of other emotions, today it led to tears but tears of happiness.  We have been through some crazy changes the past couple of years and we have made it through everything together.  And now we are taking the next big step, purchasing our home, and in that home is where we will be starting our future family (not for a while).  I suddenly felt like an adult.  And I suddenly felt SO happy.  This is happiness.

I have an amazing husband.  We managed to pay for our entire wedding while I was in graduate school.  I finished school quite successfully and proceeded to pass my certification exam on the first try (not too common).  We created and stuck to a budget together (so much more difficult than it sounds!).  And we reached our goal of saving enough to purchase our first home.  I have an amazing job that pretty much fell into my lap!  I have a kitten who I love (most of the time).  I have great friends.  And I have an amazing family.  And honestly, I couldn't ask for a whole lot more than what I have right now.  At this moment, I can honestly say that if this is all I had for the rest of my life, what I have right now, I would be happy.  

This for me is an amazing revelation!  I seem to have contentment issues:  I always want more.  The hubs will definitely agree on that one!  But today, I am happy.  It feels good.  Really good.  Like rainbows and sunshine shooting out of my ass good!  

Then I did some more reflecting on the changes we have encountered in the past couple of years.  So you are now on that fun little ride!

2007:  The hubs graduated from college.  He moved to Missouri.  I realized almost all of my friends had graduated and left with him.  It was kind of a rough year, but a good one.

My husband, the coach.  

2008:  I graduated from college.  We got engaged.  We moved to Montana.  Little niece was born.  We lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with 4 adults and 2 kids under the age of 2.

Graduation!

Little niece right after she was born!

Uncle and the little guy!

2009:  We managed to save up enough to pay for our wedding.  We moved into a place of our own.  

Gotta love the hubs!  What a stud!

2010:  We got married.  I graduated with my Master's.  I was hired as a professor.  We got a new car.  I passed my certification exam.  We got a kitten. 

I love this picture!  Cracks me up every time I look at it!

I love my beautiful mama!  She has always and will always be my rock!

Little Randy - cat!  He's bigger now but just as cute!

2011:  We went to Mexico.  Buying a house!  Who knows what else is to come in this year?!

Oh Mexico, how we miss you!

This will be ours in a matter of days!

So that was a real brief tour of some things that happened in the past couple of years.  Long story short, we have been through a lot together and I couldn't be happier that I have done it with my best friend and love of my life.  I couldn't be any happier and I am excited to see what life has in store for us in the future!

The Health Professor

 Being the health professor that I am, I decided to finally take my own advice and I have started to keep track of my food intake on MyPyramid.gov.  I have been really trying to work out more and be healthier in the past couple of months, but I noticed that I wasn't losing any weight at all.  I am not one to worry about weight and more just what I look like, but I have been very frustrated so decided I needed to check out how I was really doing.

So About a week and a half ago, I put my day of eating in and found out I was eating almost 500 or more calories a day than I needed to!  That means I should be gaining about one pound a week!  One pound a week!  no wonder I'm not losing any weight!

So this past week, I decided to try and be more conscious of the food I was eating.  I realized in my tracking that this might be more difficult than I thought it would be.  I don't have to deprive myself of foods, I just need to be smarter about when I eat certain foods.

This is the beginning of calorie cutbacks!  I am probably going to need some luck on this one.  I like my food.  I love my food, really, so this could be tricky but I need to give it a shot!  Really, it's only going to help me get strong and look sweeter and I definitely wouldn't mind looking like any of these ladies!

Breakthrough and Birthday!

The hubs and I had a major breakthrough this week.  After I had a major breakdown earlier in the week, we just kept talking and talking and talking about our argument and the situation.  Normally I hate doing that, but we just didn't quite understand each other.  We don't really speak in the same language, if you will, and today I said what I meant in terms that he got!  It was the best feeling ever!  I think both of us were so relieved and felt so positive about the future of this situation.  Feels good.  Feels weird that this is the first time we have ever fully understood each other in an argument in 6 and a half years, but good nonetheless.

The more we talked about our general issues, we tried to think back to when they started.  To give some real quick background info, we moved to Billings in June of 2008.  We moved into a 2 bedroom apartment with the hubs' dad.  In September, hubs' sister left her "words that should not be posted on my blog but describe him" boyfriend and moved in with us with the nephew, who was about 15 months old at the time.  Before that, the hubs and I had all the time in the world to spend with each other.  Having 2 extra people in the house, one of those being a very small person and the other being about 9 months pregnant, made things a lot crazier and did not give us much time or privacy.  About a week after moving in, little niece came into the world, I was there for the birth!, and we did as much as we could to help out a new mom under a lot of stress with another child.  If you added that up, we had 4 adults and 2 very small children living in a 2 bedroom apartment.  Crazy does not even begin to describe that situation. 

With all of the extra people around, and me being in grad school full time with a part time job and the both of us saving up for our wedding, you could say we were stressed without a whole lot of time to spend together or any privacy anymore.  I'm not saying anything bad about the situation, everything worked out for the best but it just so happens that our relationship didn't pull through quite how we had hoped.  We moved out right before the wedding, and adjusting to that situation was stressful as well. 

So now here we are, in the present situation, thinking back to when all of our issues seemed to start and after everyone moved in to the apartment was the answer we came up with.  So then we started thinking about how everything in our lives changed when that happened and how we could maybe "change back" or just change to something newer and better.  That led to more talking.  And more talking, and more talking.  And then it just happened, we got it.  Something clicked.  Somehow the dots had finally connected.  We have both felt so much better after that and seem so much happier. 

This week I also turned 25!  Woohoo!  I had a great day and now this next week is Spring Break so I just get some time to try and work through my quarter life crisis!  OK I am not really going through a quarter life crisis, but everyone else seems to talk about that when they turn 25 and I didn't want to feel left out!  I plan on doing a "25 at 25" post, so hopefully I can get that in this weekend!  Until then, I will be finishing out the celebration of my 25th Birthday Week!  Woohoo!

Not my cake, but I wish it was!  Isn't this awesome?!